First of all, do they look crazy?CRAZY PEOPLE I've met alot of people who claimed they were crazy. I've also met alot of people who were genuinely insane. In fact, I know many people who fit into both of these categories...but how to differentiate between the two can be a problem. So I've compiled this guide to help you tell the difference between the posers and the real thing.
I know, I know, you can't tell much about a person by how they look...but a person who claims they are crazy will try and look the part by dressing strangely, or trying purposely to go against the grain. Non-conformity is a good sign of false insanity...most of the time. Ask them why they dress the way they do, and if they answer, "Because I'm CRAAAAAZY!!!", while waving their arms in the air, then you've got yourself a phony. If they walk around in public with a ham hock in each jacket, and upon asking them why they say, "Doesn't everybody? I was trying to fit in.", you just may have found yourself the real McCoy.Do they have deranged or revolutionary ideals?
Hmm...this one can be tricky. If the person in question happens to preach communist ideals, it's possible that they are Cuban, but not insane. Communism is not a sign of insanity...but cannibalism is a sure-fire giveaway.What are their beliefs?
Are they a card-carrying member of a cult (Christians don't count)?. If the person in question regularily attends late night sermons or sacrificial gatherings, they could either be simply ignorant, confused, rebellious, or flat-out CRAZY. You shouldn't start your investigation by judging someone's sanity (or lack of) on the fact that they have different beliefs - use this as a last-resort method.Do they listen to N*Sync, Backstreet Boys, Westlife, etc etc?But, if the person in question claims to be a religious icon from any mainstream religion (Jesus, for instance), you may have a case.
Bingo! If they're a fan of the boybands, they've gotta be crazy! ...well, actually, the person can be exluded from this if they are under 17 years of age and female. Any older, and they're WHACKED IN THE HEAD, male or female.Crazy people are everywhere. Everywhere. Possibly in your own home, sitting across from you at the dinner table...and until now, you had no idea they were mad. Still, take into consideration that, well, crazy people aren't necessarily bad - the majority of people in this world could be classified 'crazy' by the standards on this page...thus, if you AREN'T crazy in one form or another, you may be in the minority of the population...you freak (Just kidding). Remember, insanity is good. As long as you aren't a cannibal....unless this music was forced on the person, due to the constant bombardment of pop on the radio or Much Music/MTV, and they had to become somewhat of a fan in order to put up with the music of their generation.
THE TALE OF MUFFHANGER
The following feature is one of great truth and wisdom, but it should be noted that I, Thief ZERO, am in no way responsible for it. It is a work of our good friend KANNIBAL - just thought I'd warn ya...especially if you're Nordent Jeb (this name has been scrambled to confuse you to protect the innocent). I personally have nothing against the guy...ah well. Just read.Well, I did tamper a little bit with this...at the request of a certain someone, all names have been changed -
Greetings to you,I am about to tell you the low down on the greatest hero alive,his name is Bed Orttjern (insanity!),or as myself and legions of others who call him MuffHanger. He is a guy whom has nothing to diserve this name save for the fact that he is a total fruitcake.
He devotes much of his time to...hanging on the muffs of unsuspecting women,sometimes elderly,sometimes,young women,don't hate him because of his women exploiting hobby it isn't his fault...it is the worlds fault and mostly the band of the eighty's : AhHA's fault that he is truly a great person. It is said that the day he was born that he had such a deathlock on his mother's muff that they had to cut her muff loose because he wouldn't let go for the life of him.
If you would like to hear more on the muffhanger saga(tm.) continue to read this feature.
-A werk of KANNIBAL(all stories about Ernjerb Dott (there it is again...confusion!) may or may not be true,if you would like to contact him call his phone number, but I chose not to include it, in order for him to avoid harassment
THE OLEAN CONSPIRACY As many of you may remember, Frito-Lay released a brand new type of chip awhile ago - a chip that incorporated a brand new vegetable fat replacement kind of thing, called Olean (the brand name of Olestra).Okay, so they started putting this stuff in chips...I remember seeing all these marketing adds, saying how wonderful the stuff is. One that springs to mind is this super cheesy little number, with a father and his son floating down a river in inner tubes eating a bag of Olean Lays.
What they DIDN'T show you or tell you is that you body can't absorb this Olean stuff, thus no fat, but it also means you're gonna be shitting pure vegetable oil. It almost seems like the kind of thing you'd feed to a person as a prank.
"I bet you can't eat just one!"...catch phrase of the suicidal if you ask me.